1. Thin privilege exists
If you think thin privilege doesn’t exist read this and this. If you think thin privilege doesn’t exist try losing 50 pounds, putting on a tight skirt, and becoming an automatic magnet for guys in the club to grind up on you – unless there are skinnier girls around you. If you think thin privilege doesn’t exist, look around. Also, the bar tender called me tiny. That NEVER happened before.
2. How did we get in without paying a cover?
The trick is to stand in the doorway and be incredibly indecisive until the bouncer loses their patience and lets you in for free. Also, A) Thin privilege B) We’re girls – my feminism is cringing at this right now.
3. If you go out and you didn’t get someone to buy you a shot, you didn’t try hard enough
Again, my feminism is cringing, but also such #LifeGoals. Also, why did we drink Fireball?!?!
Next up: how to tell if a guy is worth it by the type of drink he buys you.
4. Domino’s Pizza at 2 AM is the only proven way to avoid a hangover
10/10 would do it again. But actually the results of my personal, non-biased, scientific study suggest that Domino’s Pizza at 2 AM after a night of drinking significantly reduces the risk and severity of a hangover by at least 95%.
5. Does dancing burn calories?
Everything hurts. Literally everything. The tips of my toes hurt! I feel like I worked out for HOURS! Everything hurt while I was dancing – until I was drunk. When I was drunk, it didn’t hurt anymore. And so, I danced more. Now, everything hurts. Was it worth it? Probably.
6. I need to go to more queer bars
Getting drunk, dancing, and making out with guys is basically the standard fare for a night out at a straight club. Which is a totally fun set of activities, but also it gets old fast. Queer clubbing is WAY more fun – there’s so much more to anticipate! There’s more diversity. There are less guys just trying to get a quick hookup. There’s more color! Also, the music is better.
Also, I learned a lesson last night: The key to life is patience. Don’t guzzle, just sip.
And, here’s one more thought: Is it “girls night” or “girls’ night”? – It’s girls because we were a group of girls going out; we (the girls) don’t own the night. Except we did, and we always do. The verdict is undecided.